Horrors on the Idiot Box - this consumer's list of the Worst Contemporary Commercials

Now I'm not a huge television watcher, but when I do watch a show the last thing I want to see or hear is an annoying, offensive or plain stupid commercial. You know, the advertisement junk that truly puts "idiot" in idiot box. The airwaves are full of them, and this is unfortunate not just for the television watcher but also the maker of whatever is being advertised. Let's face it: a good commercial can sell a product to a lot of people; a bad commercial can make a product something a lot of people just want to avoid.

When it comes to commercials we hate my husband and I have become pretty darned skilled at hitting the remote control's mute fast. Its sad, however, that the makers and sellers of the products in these commercials continue to be clueless about just how grating these darned things are. In case they are reading this, jot down notes ad-creator people, because I probably won't post this twice. And if you really want a chance to sell us your product come up with intelligent and clever ads instead of the ones that make us want to run for the proverbial hills.

This Consumer's List of Worst Contemporary Commercials

Accu-Check Aviva System meters

This commercial is unappealing for two very separate reasons. 1. the woman speaking has a noticeable slur; is she saying "Rodney's kid, too" or "Rodney's skid rue" or "Rod Nee slid too"? Confusing. 2. that rather frightening view of her rear in one portion of the commercial. Unless you're really into lumberjack-type gals, who wants to see that mannish tailgate?. I really dislike this one popping up during dinner time. Heck, my digestion would do better seeing the Hardee's ad with the sexy girl licking hamburger drippings off herself.

Uloric's acid-lugging guy

Another stomach-churner here. This guy lugs around a giant sloshing beaker of what's supposed to be ulric acid, his heavy load making for near-spill incidents wherever he goes. Stupid and distasteful to watch, especially at mealtime. Heck, the commercials for cold sore meds are easier to watch.

The Cialis separate bathtubs ads

Just in case you haven't heard the exciting news, Cialis is used for the treatment of E.D.,aka Erectile Dysfunction, aka male impotence, aka limp johnson syndrome. These particular commercials have been done to death and there appears to be no end in sight. My primary problem with these comes at the familiar end of the commercial when you see the couple in the bathtub, or rather TWO BATHTUBS. Now, maybe its just me but advertising a product that supposed to put a man in the mood by showing a couple taking separate baths is counter-productive. For the love of Aphrodite people, show the couple in the SAME BATHTUB!

Binder & Binder's cowboy hat lawyer ads

First of all, Binder & Binder, most people don't get the image of a heroic cowboy when we hear the word "attorney" (its usually a shark or leech). Now while I understand your boy Charles might feel uncomfortable dressing like a shark or leech the heroic western imagery here just does not work. Try a little realism: show Charles chasing after an ambulance or swimming happily through a swimming pool full of cash. Believe it or not, the truth shall set you free, even if your personal interpretation of freedom means putting the screws to the other guy.

Activia Yogurt's Jamie Lee Curtis ads

I like Jamie Lee, she's a good actress with a personable disposition. But I am also a huge yogurt eater and having tried Activia can say that in my opinion the second-rate product here undermines the quality commercial. In my estimate Jamie Lee is selling out her talents on this product, and if truth be told, if anything gives my tummy a need for comfort it is cruddy-tasting yogurt with a ridiculously high price tag. But hmm...when you think about it, this could actually make a good ad premise for Activia's rivals!

Energy Tomorrow's “Let’s put oil and natural gas resources to work for America” androgynous spokesperson campaign

Ok, if pressed for a guess I'd say this spokesperson is probably female. It has a slightly feminine build and nice cheekbones but the entirely genderless voice tone and drab, drab drab suit does leave me uncertain. I'm offended by this insertion of deliberate uncertainty; don't they think an obvious man or woman could sway the viewers? Or is the idea of oil and natural resources working for America only something gender-uncertain folks are interested in? That premise borders on stereotyping for gender-uncertain folks and I just can't support any campaign that endorses that! Besides, these commercials are excruciatingly boring, which is just as bad a social transgression.

Niaspan's "crisis intervention" commercials

Crisis Interventions are typically delegated for such life-damaging habits as drug use, alcoholism and gambling. But to hear these commercials if you refuse to take that cholesterol-lowering med that helps keep pharmaceuticals the rich fatcats they are then baby, you need a crisis intervention.The stated message of these ads is that the drug MAY help lower your cholesterol. The unspoken message I get is the Niaspan pimps (aka doctors) really need your business and if you are a decent human being who doesn't want to see your over-worked, underprivileged family doctor standing in the Food Stamp line then by golly you will take this darned prescription. Not that it matters if you end up on the Food Stamp line because there's no money left after paying for the Niaspan. Its the welfare of the medical profession that counts, people!

GE’s Ecomagination line dance commercial

This one has all the makings of a bad dream: masses of people being subjected to an ear-offensive C/W tune playing on the radio. Worse, these poor people start line dancing. This line dance stretches over hill and dale, shop to airport, country to city; a never-ending snakish assembly of mindless, line-dancing zombies. They had a similar problem back in Medieval Europe; when the Flagellants would travel from town to town, whipping entire populations into religious frenzies with whips, chains, cat-o-nine-tails and even fire. Unfortunately, the only ones being subjected to sadistic rites here are the unsuspecting viewers and you don't even have to be a member of the converted to feel the pain.

Verizon’s "Susie builds a lemonade empire via Dad's credit card app" ad

There are few things as sad as watching an innocent child transformed into a cold-hearted corporate magnate. This is what happens to Susie once Dad hands her the Verizon. Over the course of a single day Susie evolves from little-girl-next-door into a snappy wretch of a businesswoman who changes her wardrobe with every change of the breeze and turns her friends into virtual slaves to her growing empire. By the end of the commercial sweet innocent Susie is your average smug, suit-wearing Capitalistic pig who has no time for Daddy or even enjoying that lemonade Mom probably made after heating Susie's morning Pop Tart. But this is what Daddy gets for handing Susie the Verizon instead of a kiss and a warning to behave herself. I hope Dad survives reading the credit card bill because Susie looks a little too preoccupied to be bothered with a funeral.

Toyota Highlander's snobby kid

This brat showed up in Highlander's 2010 TV campaign and apparently some genius at Toyota thought he was cool enough to bring back this year. Of course, this decision doesn't surprise me as this is the car company with the infamously reoccurring break system recall problem. Anyway, these commercials are so extremely annoying that they won, hands-down, my choice for #1 Most Worst Commercial last year.

But wait, perhaps I'm being unfair. What's there really to hate about this commercial? It is only a curly-headed freckled-faced boy cruising around in a fancy new Highlander Hybrid, looking down his nose whenever he passes by some other child in a less-expensive vehicle. Never mind that he looks like a dufus strapped into that huge car seat or that his own parents listen to hip-hop; his god-given mission is to remind peers that their lesser affluent parents are lame. Oh yes, this child comes from privilege and wealth and his parents don't drive demeaning affordable vehicles. They don't have to have good taste in music. They don't have worries over the price of gas (though they do have to worry about pesky limo riders asking to borrow their treasured Grey Poupon). But most importantly these parents can afford the hospital bill if and when the Toyota breaks go out and their pricey Highlander plunges into the next lane of traffic.

PC Matic's male-exasperated Mom

She's an attractive, smart Mom, wife and daughter and well-versed in the latest high-speed gadgets and thing-a-ma-jigs. Nevertheless, her personal space is intruded on by the helpless males in her life, most frequently while she's applying make-up, selecting a pair of high heels or attempting a break for the door in the quest to jump into her sports car. Yep, PC Matic woman is not only surrounded by computer-challenged morons but her biological clock is quickly approaching the midnight hour and the fleet leaves the port at ten o'clock sharp. When will the males in her life learn to fend for themselves? But not to despair, dear lady, with your internet savvy you can still hook up with someone new at the any chat room you want. And college boys usually don't even ask for ID in those places!

This video is a parody of one of the PC Matic Mom commercials.